Crazy how life goes

Is it better to be with your kids all the time even if you are losing it? HAHA...okay not losing it, but sometimes I wonder if a bad mom is better than no mom....I'm not making any sense. Okay, so I feel like sometimes I yell....and I feel horrible, but my kids DO NOT listen to me. I feel like I ask them nicely like 10 times and the eleventh gets very loud and mean....I LOVE my children, I do, but I get frustrated, as I'm sure every mom, and especially every stay at home mom does. I know I mentioned this jobhunt thing. The lady for nannying is making her final decision at the end of this week. It sounds great, but it's not a lot of money, and it's a lot of work....a 4 month old for 3 days. That's a whole extra kid, and not an easy run around kid, it's a baby, who takes every waking second of your energy....along with my daughter who I feel still needs attention all the time, and my son who is a complete momma's boy and is attached to me and cries for me, and the two of them fight over me when they're upset...or when the other one is upset. I try to explain they can each have a leg or arm, but that's too close to the other one when they're not happy with eachother. Anyway, it's going to be a zoo if this happens. And another carseat in the car? I know I have a minivan...but what am I going to do with the infant seat? UGH. I also have an interview tomorrow- it's a Marketing Manager/Customer Service Manager position for a company in Kent. They gave a salary range....the bottom is too low and the high is good enough. If I did get it then we'd have to see about where that range falls exactly. Then my friend who works in Tacoma texted me and said her CEO (who lucky for me, knows and loves my mom) stopped in her office and said he is going to have their HR lady call me because they should find something for me. How sweet is that? So, I have been praying every night for a direction in the right path. I would love to continue to stay home with my kids, but I sometimes feel they could do better at the learning daycare....and then I think I'm their mom, any time with me is better right? Oh hell if I know. I know I love them and I think sometimes I'd die if I wasn't with them. I seriously miss them after being away for an hour....all day? It just scares me. I need a bolt of lightening answer. But I do think the little bit of money I would get for watching this cute little baby girl is enough for me and C to pay some bills, and go out to eat if we want to and still be home with my babies. And then there's the other side of me that thinks they may benefit from this learning place I looked into and they're old enough now to go...but then again...TC isn't. He's so little still. I just don't know. I guess we'll see where life takes me.