Fat Days

So this morning getting ready I was actually going to wear something other than a typical sweatshirt...why? I don't know, I get sick of the same old same old, but I watch my baby and another so wearing cute clothes is just a waste. Anyway, I was having a fat day, so on went my hooded sweatshirt and jeans (which is a step up from the sweats I wore yesterday...maybe). And not even a nice sweatshirt like I try to wear out, it's the WSU sweatshirt from 7 yrs ago with a small hole on the sleeve and paint from a few different painting adventures. My point is, even if you haven't gained any weight from being pregnant yet, you can still feel your body changing, the stomach becoming bloated, for many other reasons than the baby in there....(ugh) and at this point, somedays you just need to wear an old hooded sweatshirt to not feel like a complete blimp. Today was one of those days :)
On a happy note, tomorrow, our little AM will be the absolute cutest little Tigger you've ever seen!!! I cannot wait! I tried the outfit on her last night, just half way, to see if it fit, and she loved it, she wanted to keep wearing it and got mad when I went to hang it back in her closet. Ooooh soooo cute! Happy Halloween tomorrow!

Baby Hugs

When your baby learns how to give kisses, it's sweet and wonderful. But when you don't even realize she knows how to or what a hug is..and then she comes up and puts those little arms around your neck and squeezes, it's the best feeling in the whole world! I remember how I felt when she did that for the first time but it still makes me smile and melt everytime she does it. If I ask for one , it's so wonderful to get one. But you can't even explain how nice it is when least expected. I was sitting on the floor with the kids this morning and I was spaced out thinking about something and I think I was kind of sad...and then I feel these little arms squeezing my neck and see her little smiling face in mine and I forget all the problems in the world! Ahhh.

my day

There are 2 things that got me through this day, chocolate and tears. Okay and the best thing, was also one of the causes...usually is huh? AM, such a joy always (when she smiles, hugs and kisses) but such a pill today, actually today not so bad, this afternoon and I'm sure to be the rest of the evening..ugh. But it's just one of those days. Unfortunately it seems those days when I really need a break, Cory has to stay late at a project and his work becomes my enemy, except they pay the bills so what can you do?! Today was one of those days that the rain didn't help, the hormones of pregnancy definitely didn't help, and I wish I had a friend nearby that had kids and could relate to the insanity and talk to me on the phone so the only adult conversation I had wasn't with the dog groomer. It's not that she's a devil child even, not today. Just very fussy, whiney, and "I will cry if my mommy doesn't pick me up and I will cry if she does, and I will cry when she leaves the room, takes something away from, like the foil covered chocolate that I put in my mouth and the glass dish that holds them that I am pulling on and is about to drop on the floor and break". But, C is almost home, and at least I will get 10 minutes alone, to empty the dishwasher...

It's all jumbled

The worst thing that has been happening in the middle of the night is I wake up (usually to pee..) and I cannot go back to sleep. So I lay there thinking about everything you can't do anything about at 2:30 in the morning and finally dose off about 4:30..and then C's alarm goes off at 4:45 and again at 5am. I finally go back to sleep when he leaves at 5:45 and I wake up to get ready for work at 6:45. It's horrible. I am then sooo tired in the afternoon, but no naps for me...and C wonders why I crawl into bed at 9pm! So my jumbled thoughts come at 3am so don't get confused if I don't make sense! How do you have a toddler's bedroom next to a new baby's? I am so worried about the new one crying, me getting to it, having it wake up AM and then C having to try and get to her to calm her and then what if she wants me and I'm trying to feed the baby. Too much stress! I was recently told the age difference will suck for the 1st 6 months and then it's great. I can see that...but it still scares me. So this time being pregnant it's different when friends stop talking to you or making plans...maybe b/c I'm not by myself, I am always busy with AM so I have less of a life already. But any of you who have had kids, did you experience that change? Why do you think it is? Can't hang out and drink anymore? I'm just not sure....
Anyway, I can't believe it's not even Halloween yet and I am already excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas! I guess it's okay though b/c time goes so fast, at least I have some time to be excited beforehand. It will be over again before we know it! I'm excited that AM will be more aware of Christmas this year, it will be so much fun! I got her Christmas dress this last weekend. It's so cute! I have to schedule pictures!
Talk soon-

A husband surprises...

So this week has been full and very satisfying in wierd ways. After AM goes to bed, I clean up and then I have gone to bed early to watch whatever I want on tv and C doesn't even try to make me stay and watch football or baseball...which makes me very happy! I have felt very domesticated, not sure if it's the new kitchen or the pregnancy, but cooking has been fun and I tried new recipes and it was fun :) Until last night...I had a hair appt and I had spent the morning cleaning and cooking because Jenny & Cassie and their girls came over for a fun afternoon of lunch and talking. So after all that I did not feel like trying the 3rd new recipe of the week for dinner, I ended up bringing home papa murphys after my haircut. Much easier! So on to my husband's surprise. Last night out of nowhere C starts telling with AM he put off the naming for so long and didn't really think about it too much. Which I was witness to because he never wanted to talk about names and we didn't tell anybody even our thoughts and it was such a wait until the end kind of thing. Well, he said he has been thinking about names constantly already, going over the few we have chosen so far and trying to think of more and going over all his thoughts about this and that and what he likes best. I think I was in shock, but it also made me happy because last time it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk about potential names...I might have more luck this time!!! My other surprise was him telling me he can't imagine loving another baby like AM. I was surprised by this because I guess I just thought I had those feelings and I realized I never even talked to him about them..wierd because I've talked to all you about it? But now we will both learn about loving two! One funny thing though, when he said this, he compared AM to Raven..and Bisou to our new baby..he's never really done this before, comparimg our dogs to our real kid(s) but it made sense because he never thought he'd like Bisou because we didn't "need" another dog,& now he spoils her rotten!

Child Thoughts

It is crazy having a child. You can go from looking at this perfect little angel that you made wondering how she got to be so cute, so smart, so wonderful...to wondering how she can be this devil child that will throw a fit (even if it thankfully only lasts 15 seconds), pinch your face, pull your hair, or open her little mouth with a jaw full of piranah teeth aimed at your finger. Then there are times when I worry how I will handle this 2nd one because it breaks my heart when she wants up while I'm trying to feed the little guy his bottle and shejust wants her mama. However, he isn't my child and of course I want to pick her up...but when there is a new little one...how will I ever not feel guilty, or more sadly, I do not want to not feel guilty. I don't ever want AM to feel she is less important or anything along those lines. I know I will make it, mothers do everyday, mothers with way more than 2 spread their love just wonderfully...and I will do it too. But is there a favorite? Are parents lying when they say there isn't...? Anyway, I love her more than this world...even when Chucky comes out to play :)

Ho Hum

That is how I feel. I am just in such a weird mood...I don't feel like doing anything, but then I also feel like I want to do fun things, but I can't, or don't want to, or don't know what to do. But I guess it doesn't matter because I am just working anyway! It's also the same with my appetite, nothing sounds good, ever. But obviously I have to eat, so I eat and I hate whatever I eat (except the cake you made last night mom! that was good). I don't feel like cooking, I don't feel like not cooking!
My hair is horrible and thank goodness I am getting it cut on Wed, although it needs color too but no go on that.
One thing that is scary about being pregnant...no matter what, you worry. Every night I go to bed and worry that something will be wrong, or go wrong, and you stress. I just hope and pray that this one is as healthy and happy as our first...it is a very scary and overwhelming thing...and I just have to remember that I did this the first time too, and it all ended up okay. But of course then you think nothing like that would happen to us, but it happens, always to people you think it wouldn't happen to, or who don't deserve it or whatever, but it happens, and it could just as easily end up happening to us. Ugh. Okay, enough of that, but it's hard to just stress in your head everynight. And it's almost like you're scared to say it because that makes the fear more real. But I did it, maybe it will take some of the stress away...maybe, for a minute.

Oh my gosh

So I know I must sound terrible to those of you that that was new news for! I am very excited! I really am! It's a very different feeling this time though, the 1st time that was all I could think about, this time, you have one already that all your time and energy goes into so you don't have 24 hrs a day to relax and daydream. I find that I forget and then when I do have a second to sit down and think, I am almost surprised again and then I remember and get happy and anxious and wonder what everything will be like. Anyway, it is different this time, but I am still very happy! Sorry my last post didn't seem like it, but I am! :)

So much in a week

Okay, so a week has passed, we've been busy and home sick this week. I did try to post yesterday while AM was napping, but my phone was acting up. I am thinking that's good though because I think it would have been negative...well not necessarily negative, but I was down, so it would have probably sounded whiney or something along those lines. I have been moody, stressed out, tired, then AM got sick, and now I'm sick...that should sum it up in a nutshell. The only time I had left my house from Sun night thru this morning was C and I got a dinner out on Tues, my mom came to watch AM and out we go. Dinner was fine, we talked (which was more adult conversation than I had had in a few days) and then on the drive home...we end up fighting, yelling, and I cry and I slam the door on the way in the house and we don't talk the rest of the night. Or more like he doesn't talk, I did say 1 or 2 things and he didn't respond, which makes me MORE mad. Anyway, I decide yesterday that I am NOT apologizing b/c I feel I did nothing to start this fight, however I did react. But I always apologize first b/c usually I am sick of fighting and would rather apologize and move on. So I never apologized, we just moved on yesterday, so no big deal. Oh how to explain this...I will just say it, there are only like 5 people who read this and 3 of you know, for the other 2, I am prego...please do not spread the word or talk to anybody, it is very early and I haven't even been to the dr. I just figured this is my blog and if I am going to be emotional for the next couple months, I should be able to have an explanation and not all of you think I'm just annoying! :) Anyway, that will explain the moodiness, the stress, the tired, the catching of the cold, the crying...the reacting to the fight because I am overly sensitive and the stubborness b/c I am pregnant and feel like my husband shouldn't be so mean and unsympathetic, and then when I get mad and cry, he asks so rudely "what is wrong with you?". Are you kidding me??

Happy Birthday!

Today is C's b-day! He is now 32, and said this morning he feels 82. Uh oh. He laughed though, so at least he's keeping his sense of humor in his old age :)
Today I am about as irritated as you can get, being a nanny. Long story short, if you are going to stay home, I do not need to be here...take care of your own kid. There is a reason I didn't sign up to work with a family that was going to be home with me. And if I'm trying to keep/get your baby on a schedule...you can't sabotage it the days I'm not here...this kid will not sleep! Okay...deep breaths.
This weekend will be busy, tomorrow I have to get ready for the party and Sat is the party! And Sunday we have a 1 yr old's party to go to. Good times, good times.
For C's bday tonight, we are making his fav dinner of soft tacos and I got him a DQ ice cream cake as a surprise! Should be a fun evening with the family :) So happy birthday honey and hope you all have a great weekend!