Exhaustion of a parent to a 3 yr old

I seriously need to just calm down. After accepting the new job (which I am super excited about!), things started going crazy. AM has started a weird separation anxiety where she threw a huge fit going to preschool on Tuesday b/c she wanted to go to my Dr's appt with me. It was so bad, and she didn't stop screaming, the teacher called me after 10 minutes to go back and pick her up. Then last night at ballet, she wouldn't go into class. Obviously she is having some issues that she probably doesn't understand, with me going back to work. She was going to start at the Montessori school the day I started work, but we're thinking of pushing it up a week so she can get used to it while I am home and can get her if there are issues. (Yes we picked the montessori school...TC will go to the kindercare toddler class until he's old enough- fall we think- to go to her school with her. It's actually cheaper to have them at these places rather than both at kindercare which we had first thought. And it will be even cheaper when they both attend the montessori together!) Anyway, I am hoping these issues pass. She is so defiant and stubborn and when she wants something, she will not stop screaming...no matter how tired she is.



Funny...today is 3/19...8 days after I wrote the above paragraph. AM has not thrown any more fits at preschool or ballet. We have been to the new school again and visited and she played with them during their outdoor time. We went on a field trip with them last week. She had her last day at the old school Thursday with a green party. She starts at the new school part time on Tuesday, she'll go half days Tues, Wed, Thurs...then to full time the following Tuesday when I start work. I am a little worried since she told me yesterday that she wasn't ready to start at the new school.....I'm not sure if she means it or understands what she's saying, but that worries me.

Anyway, the reason I say it's funny that I just read the above about her fits....today. Oh Today. It started out great, we have all been up since way too early. I got a second wind around 8:30 or so to clean. I cleaned the house, I vacuumed, the whole thing, including the stairs....which is such a chore! I then realized it's beautiful and I've been wanting to take the kids to the zoo. Why didn't I plan this earlier?? I knew it was going to be nice, but for some reason we have things planned Sat and Sun it didn't click in my head that Fri was open and we could have totally went! So I thought for a minute and was going to take them, but then I thought I'll just keep cleaning and check the weather, maybe Monday will be nice and we can go then since it's already getting late...and by the time we get there..... So AM wanted to get dressed....in a nice dress she has in her closet, with tights. I have the girliest girl who wants to have 'wedding parties' everyday. So, I'm thinking we're not going to the zoo, so sure why not. Then after I was done cleaning I checked the weather...rain after this weekend everyday until I start work, except for a day here and there but AM is in school those days. Of course. Now what? I look at the clock and decide, screw it, let's just go, let's be spontaneous and do it. Who cares if we're in a little bit of traffic on the way home? It'll be fine, we'll have a couple hours there and still miss rush hour if I hurry. No time to dye my hair like I was going to, but that can wait, let's go do something fun! I knew TC was tired since he woke up at 5, figured he could nap on the way up there and be good. I asked AM right before I got in the shower- do you want to go to the zoo? YES! SMILE. Great, get ready in record time, grab her to tell her she needs to change before we leave. You would have thought I asked her to kill someone. God forbid she takes off her fancy dress and tights and wears a less fancy dress with leggings and tennis shoes. World War III. I said forget it. Then she continues to scream at me and say she'll change when she gets there. Um no. I told her you can put your dress back on when we get home. No chance in hell. So, the time window has passed, we both have cried because I am not even telling you how horrible it is. I literally have a 15 year old in a 3 year old's body. No, scream, no, scream, no. How can a child not listen at all? I swear it's like the most selfish defiant attitude you've ever seen?!?! I may sound like a horrible mother, and I will tell you half the time I think I am. But for f's sake I don't know what to do anymore! It is sooooo frustrating!
After we calm down (and thank God TC lasted through all of this playing and reading a book just fine :) I make them lunch, we're talking normal, I decide to drop it. There is no reason I need to hold a grudge with a 3 yr old. I'm exhausted, tired and half way to depressed. I ruined the chance to dye my hair, I have now showered so I am not motivated to go work out and shower again. So, I move on. What does she say to me when they are almost done with lunch? Mom, I want to go to the zoo. I will go change now. Sorry, too late. Ugh. More screaming. Finally after a ten minute conversation about why we can't go and she missed the chance even though she thinks she can redo the chance now, I tell her this is a good version of a consequence (which I have been trying to teach her about bad behavior and the consequences), a consequence of her behavior and she should think before she acts like that because now we don't get to go. After some redirection before WWIV, TC goes down for a nap, and she asks one more time. I said maybe if you're good the rest of the afternoon and are willing to change your clothes after TC's nap, we'll go to the park. Luckily that was good enough.
I'm so tired.