Almost Friday....!

All week I was planning on getting up at 5 with C. I kept telling myself I was. I kept telling him I was. And every morning he'd ask me and I'd mumble and go back to sleep. One day I kept fighting my sleep to try and get up but the sleep won- that was the night I had taken a tylenol pm (I fell asleep on my own at 8:30 freezing and achy, I woke up at 9:40, brushed my teeth, took a tpm b/c I haven't in years and found them a few days before and decided it may help me sleep comfortably through the night...I have issues when I wake up at 3 that I can't go back to sleep and I'm miserable). Anyway, I had been wanting to get up not only to "practice" but also because my nights have seemed so crazy and I've had no time to myself that I wanted to enjoy a little time in the morning after C left and before the kids got up with a cup of coffee and some indulgent tv watching. I finally woke up today- I caught up on the most recent episode of 16 and Pregnant on OnDemand and an episode of Undercover Boss...great shows :) I got the kids up, diverted a war over getting dressed with AM...and another one with TC 10 minutes later. We dropped AM off at preschool, where TC threw his 3rd screaming fit of the week (every day we've dropped her off!), and we ran some errands.

I have things planned for every day from tomorrow (TC's haircut and possibly a trip to the ford dealership...more on that in a minute, movie/wine night at my house tomorrow for New Moon), Sat swim and a bday party, Sun Costco, cleaning, and possibly more house hunting with my parents (more on that too). Busy weekend. TC has a half day at his school Monday (I'm very nervous for this...) and I was planning on taking AM to do something a little fun, maybe nails and the park? I was wondering if she's old enough to go while I get a manicure and get her fingers painted....I think so, it would be fun for her. Tuesday is my first day of work. Luckily I start a little later that day so dropping the kids off won't be at 6:30am like it will be starting on Wed, probably a good way to ease into it!

As for the Ford dealership....okay so I'm thinking of downsizing my car. I have my minivan, I love it. The plan was to have it for 10 years....5 years payments, then when mine are gone, C will get a new truck, 5 years his, then I could get new and downsize then. However, I've been thinking and thinking of ways to cut back, I brought this up to him before and he wasn't all gung ho about it. Talking more recently we are getting stressed about his job. With his work he was always in and out of the hall in the past. When he started with this company we got spoiled...It was at the beginning, it was a small company where the guys who started it knew him from a previous company and he dealt with a lot of the stuff at the beginning and was there for them through thick and thin....he is now thinking that it may be getting too thin and a layoff may be in the future. So, with times how they are now...the hall has like 900 guys on the books....that means that many people in front of him for a job on any given day. Ugh. Like I said we got spoiled with him working straight for 3 1/2 years. Luckily this was during the time I got to stay at home with the kids. Now, even more luckily, I am going to start working so we will have a very small amount of money coming in after I pay for daycare, but at least it's some. If C gets laid off and has to go back to the hall, unemployment can only cover so much. We have some in savings, but not sure how long that would last us. Anyway, this whole story was about my car. The payment is pretty high. I am thinking we need something cheaper and if that means getting a car instead of a big vehicle, so be it. C says we can't live in a small car. I said it's not like we're getting a minicooper! The kids are getting bigger, AM can almost do the whole carseat thing herself (those bottom ones are a little too hard still) and I think we could handle it. I had researched cars previously and started again today. There is the Ford Fusion which has won awards for 2010 and it seems more affordable and big enough for the 2 car seats. I think I am going to test drive one and discuss my trade in options. My Odyssey is still in excellent condition and the trade in value from what I've researched is still good. And best of all, Ford has great financing available 0%-1.9% so I think that would help a lot. But we'll see. Obviously you don't know for sure until you go and check it all out. Another I've looked into is Kia, but I've heard both good and bad things. If anyone knows of anything on any cars and whatnot, let me know. I need insight!

As for house hunting....my parents lease is up in July so they had kind of started looking. They want something affordable that they can buy and retire in and still be okay on payments when my mom stops working and they are living on their retirement and social security. We found a great place but they weren't in a hurry and unfortunately it already got picked up. So, the search continues. And now it's not so much as July as it is sooner because their landlord just emailed and said she is moving into their townhouse in July or sooner if they move out sooner! The househunt is on! Problem is my mom and dad differ a lot on house opinions....we'll see how it all goes.

It may be awhile until I chat again....work is coming and I can only imagine how my life is going to change. Crazy.

Til next time.

Happy

So, my daughter was actually very good this weekend. There were a few mishaps, but I was so happy. I am so happy when she is good. It's amazing how happy it makes me. I go back to thinking of all the wonderful things about parenthood :) And today was her first day at her new school. We have part time 3 days this week, then to full time starting next Tues when I start work. Last night she told me before she went to sleep, I'm not sure if I'm ready. I told her it will be just fine and she will get to play with her friends on all those fun outdoor toys at recess and she'll get to take her lunch in her new princess lunchbox and I'll pick her up after lunch. She said okay mommy. This morning I let her pick out whatever she wanted to wear (after hiding a few things strategically...) and we got ready, she ate breakfast while I packed her lunch and she went in, right up to the other girls (3 out of 4 were wearing dresses too so I'm sure she was happy she had her dress on) and I had to go give her a kiss. TC had a harder time leaving....he wanted to stay too. I tried to explain he gets to go to school next week, but he didn't care. After some crying, I took him to Target where he got popcorn and apple juice and then I let him walk through all the toys and Easter stuff while I picked out some Easter things. So I think he had some fun playing with all that stuff...especially all the footballs we accumulated and had to put back before we left!
So, things are good. That makes me happy.

Exhaustion of a parent to a 3 yr old

I seriously need to just calm down. After accepting the new job (which I am super excited about!), things started going crazy. AM has started a weird separation anxiety where she threw a huge fit going to preschool on Tuesday b/c she wanted to go to my Dr's appt with me. It was so bad, and she didn't stop screaming, the teacher called me after 10 minutes to go back and pick her up. Then last night at ballet, she wouldn't go into class. Obviously she is having some issues that she probably doesn't understand, with me going back to work. She was going to start at the Montessori school the day I started work, but we're thinking of pushing it up a week so she can get used to it while I am home and can get her if there are issues. (Yes we picked the montessori school...TC will go to the kindercare toddler class until he's old enough- fall we think- to go to her school with her. It's actually cheaper to have them at these places rather than both at kindercare which we had first thought. And it will be even cheaper when they both attend the montessori together!) Anyway, I am hoping these issues pass. She is so defiant and stubborn and when she wants something, she will not stop screaming...no matter how tired she is.



Funny...today is 3/19...8 days after I wrote the above paragraph. AM has not thrown any more fits at preschool or ballet. We have been to the new school again and visited and she played with them during their outdoor time. We went on a field trip with them last week. She had her last day at the old school Thursday with a green party. She starts at the new school part time on Tuesday, she'll go half days Tues, Wed, Thurs...then to full time the following Tuesday when I start work. I am a little worried since she told me yesterday that she wasn't ready to start at the new school.....I'm not sure if she means it or understands what she's saying, but that worries me.

Anyway, the reason I say it's funny that I just read the above about her fits....today. Oh Today. It started out great, we have all been up since way too early. I got a second wind around 8:30 or so to clean. I cleaned the house, I vacuumed, the whole thing, including the stairs....which is such a chore! I then realized it's beautiful and I've been wanting to take the kids to the zoo. Why didn't I plan this earlier?? I knew it was going to be nice, but for some reason we have things planned Sat and Sun it didn't click in my head that Fri was open and we could have totally went! So I thought for a minute and was going to take them, but then I thought I'll just keep cleaning and check the weather, maybe Monday will be nice and we can go then since it's already getting late...and by the time we get there..... So AM wanted to get dressed....in a nice dress she has in her closet, with tights. I have the girliest girl who wants to have 'wedding parties' everyday. So, I'm thinking we're not going to the zoo, so sure why not. Then after I was done cleaning I checked the weather...rain after this weekend everyday until I start work, except for a day here and there but AM is in school those days. Of course. Now what? I look at the clock and decide, screw it, let's just go, let's be spontaneous and do it. Who cares if we're in a little bit of traffic on the way home? It'll be fine, we'll have a couple hours there and still miss rush hour if I hurry. No time to dye my hair like I was going to, but that can wait, let's go do something fun! I knew TC was tired since he woke up at 5, figured he could nap on the way up there and be good. I asked AM right before I got in the shower- do you want to go to the zoo? YES! SMILE. Great, get ready in record time, grab her to tell her she needs to change before we leave. You would have thought I asked her to kill someone. God forbid she takes off her fancy dress and tights and wears a less fancy dress with leggings and tennis shoes. World War III. I said forget it. Then she continues to scream at me and say she'll change when she gets there. Um no. I told her you can put your dress back on when we get home. No chance in hell. So, the time window has passed, we both have cried because I am not even telling you how horrible it is. I literally have a 15 year old in a 3 year old's body. No, scream, no, scream, no. How can a child not listen at all? I swear it's like the most selfish defiant attitude you've ever seen?!?! I may sound like a horrible mother, and I will tell you half the time I think I am. But for f's sake I don't know what to do anymore! It is sooooo frustrating!
After we calm down (and thank God TC lasted through all of this playing and reading a book just fine :) I make them lunch, we're talking normal, I decide to drop it. There is no reason I need to hold a grudge with a 3 yr old. I'm exhausted, tired and half way to depressed. I ruined the chance to dye my hair, I have now showered so I am not motivated to go work out and shower again. So, I move on. What does she say to me when they are almost done with lunch? Mom, I want to go to the zoo. I will go change now. Sorry, too late. Ugh. More screaming. Finally after a ten minute conversation about why we can't go and she missed the chance even though she thinks she can redo the chance now, I tell her this is a good version of a consequence (which I have been trying to teach her about bad behavior and the consequences), a consequence of her behavior and she should think before she acts like that because now we don't get to go. After some redirection before WWIV, TC goes down for a nap, and she asks one more time. I said maybe if you're good the rest of the afternoon and are willing to change your clothes after TC's nap, we'll go to the park. Luckily that was good enough.
I'm so tired.

A tired Monday....and Tuesday

I feel exhausted today. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's Monday, maybe it's because we had a long busy weekend.



The interview went well, the ladies were very nice, the company was nice, they had a hundred nice things to say about the company. I like it. That's good. I had to take a personality test...it was very long, it was over an hour long. I was seriously mentally exhausted when I was done. I got home, drank some wine, C got home with the kids, they screamed and screamed, I was ready to send them back to their uncle's house. My parents got there, we decided the kids were in no mood to go out to eat so we ordered pizza and drank wine. AM had fallen asleep in the car so it took her longer to fall asleep that night. Ugh, more exhaustion. Saturday we had swim, which was fun, AM does sooo good! Then we went to Bellevue Square to meet my mom's cousin and her daughter- we had lunch, fun browsing, my mom took the kids to Build a Bear for their first time and they each got a bear. So cute, AM got a light bear with a wedding dress, veil, complete with garter and corsage-she named her Lea. TC got a dark bear with a football outfit named Bobby. We then went to Nordstrom where TC fell asleep in the stroller so we got to hang out in the makeup section for a long time, which was fun. Then we headed to our friend's bday/son's bday party and then home after a long day and I was so tired I think I was in bed asleep by 9:30.

Yesterday was a day around the house, hockey, vacuuming, kids playing outside in the backyard (which I loved-that was our first big time they played out there!). Nice day.



Oh, I forgot to mention the other preschool/daycare visit. I went to a Montessori school to look at it, which is why the expense thing was so worrisome to me. This school though...amazing the difference. It was clean, all the toys are educational, they have plans and projects and cute little tables and chairs, the kids were for the most part well behaved. The price- AFFORDABLE! I was doing the math wrong! They have before and after school care, then full day school is 9-4. You bring your own lunch, which cuts on costs for the school. They have outdoor fenced play area, it's close to my house. DOWN SIDE- TC isn't old enough yet. He has to be 2 1/2 or so. So, we think it's worth it though to have to leave a little early, drop AM off there, then drop TC off at his toddler class at the learning center daycare, which will do for now. He would be separated from AM there anyway for now until he got older. So, that's what we're going to do and then when he's old enough, hopefully next fall, unless she (the montessori teacher) gets going on her toddler class she wants to start (fingers crossed it's sooner rather than later!). I am very happy with this whole thing, it has started to work out wonderfully for the most part. Now I just need the call. The job! I start to have horrible feelings and thoughts that I probably didn't get it. Who knows. I can't handle it. I start to get anxiety.

So into Tuesday, I'm still down. I had more energy with me this morning. I have lost it. I feel worn out. I think stress has a lot to do with it. How annoying.

AM and I fight when she's in a bad mood or whatever it is a 3 1/2 year old gets. She does NOT listen. Not to one word I say. Then she fights with me and I yell. I'm tired. She won't do time outs, she won't listen when I say not to do something. When she's mad, then she's mean to her brother, which then makes me more mad. She cries, we hug, I feel bad but she still won't listen...she won't even listen to me about listening?!?!? WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT? Today I was informed at preschool that she and her little friend wouldn't listen and clean up so they lost their show and tell privileges for the day. Great, she gets mad that her teacher tells me this and she throws her backpack and stomps her foot at the teacher?! How embarrassing. My kid is a brat. My mom constantly tells me it's just her age. Yeah, that's great but what am I supposed to do about it? I swear if we have these issues at 3 1/2, what is 15 going to be like? Absolutely horrible I think. I hope not, I always wanted it to be different with my daughter and me, not like how my mom and I were during the teen years. Maybe if it's bad now, it will get better at 15. HA! Yeah right, wishful thinking.

Here's to hoping Wednesday is better....maybe the sun will come out so I can cheer up or get some energy back or something.

where is the sun?

So, I got really used to the sun....even though it could or could not be cold with it...it made me a lot more energetic and happy. I wonder if most people have a form of that weather disorder? Yesterday was just a big downer! After being sunny and happy for so long? What's that REM song? Sunny happy people? Seriously.

The jobhunt...well- I have had one phone interview for this one job, took the test online (HARD!), it was seriously like an SAT test. Was curious if I passed....got the word-I did! Have a second phone interview/process/benefits thing today and then I think she'll set up the in person interview. Now, this is a good job, but I also have an interview with my friend's company on Friday and I think I want that one more. I'm trying to stretch out this other process so they don't end up doing something before I get a chance to go through the interview Friday. I think it's working...I can't imagine we would have another interview until Friday or next week, so that's good. Hopefully this 2nd company makes a decision fast though.....I think it's probably a better fit and somewhere I can see myself growing, which is what I want. So, we'll see. Everyone keep your fingers crossed.

Now on the other side of this jobhunt...my little babies. I never thought moving down here would turn into me working, but I guess that's what happens. You don't ever expect it. However, my kids are old enough now that I think they'll be okay in daycare. So....daycare, what a chore. At least it's down here where 1. daycare is less expensive 2. there are a few to choose from 3. they have openings! I swear, in Seattle and the eastside, when I had looked before, which seems a lifetime ago, waiting lists and the cost were unbelievable!

My issue is choosing which is best. I think I have already made up my mind, but the process still sucks and I want things to compare it to. I have one more place to go to tomorrow, which actually I think is a really good option, but too expensive....we'll see. I'll go into it more after I look at it. I seriously had anxiety yesterday after looking at one place. And the cost is all over the place, but like C says- you get what you pay for. So, that's why the money is not the main issue here- the one I have chosen as of now is a lot more than the other, but I'm sure less than tomorrow's. But like I said, tomorrow I will at least see another option- and probably an unaffordable one, but maybe I did the math wrong...hahaha that's what I am liking to tell myself for now.

Let's hope the interview(s) go well and everything falls into place. I hate stressing about my kids and I just want them to be happy and okay. I know they will be, but the anxiety about them kills me. My cute little babies.

Okay before I was done here, I had my 2nd phone interview and it went well. They are going to set up my in person panel interview. Jeez....that's a lot of interviewing. So, I have the other interview Friday afternoon.

My mom is coming down for to spend the night Friday, C has class Saturday all day, so my mom will help at AM's swim lesson, then we're having lunch with her cousin. Then we have a bday party that evening. Next week I'll have the other in person interview....I cannot believe it's going to be March already?! What in the hell? I can't believe I've been looking for a job for over a month now....not that I was in a hurry to get one, but time really flies- it seems like just yesterday, but it was like the beginning/mid of January that I decided I should start looking. Wow, it will suck if NEITHER of these offer me a job....ha, that would really be horrible. Well, for the ego, but everything will work out. Who knows, it could be a blessing in disguise and the perfect job just around the other corner, too much to think about and analyze.

Anyway, getting ahead of myself.

Okay so I just read my previous post- to update a few things.
1. The lady did offer to have me nanny. I changed my mind about this though and decided it wasn't enough $ for all the work. I really don't want another kid right now, unless it was a little older and could actually play with my kids.
2. The interview in Kent was not for me. The place wasn't me, the people weren't me. I knew it was not going to be worth it.
3. The interview Friday is with the same friend's company who sent her CEO my info for a job. This job happened to open up, so lucky me, I now get an interview. And one of the 2 ladies I'm interviewing with used to work at my mom's company and I'm hoping it all goes well!

Crazy how life goes

Is it better to be with your kids all the time even if you are losing it? HAHA...okay not losing it, but sometimes I wonder if a bad mom is better than no mom....I'm not making any sense. Okay, so I feel like sometimes I yell....and I feel horrible, but my kids DO NOT listen to me. I feel like I ask them nicely like 10 times and the eleventh gets very loud and mean....I LOVE my children, I do, but I get frustrated, as I'm sure every mom, and especially every stay at home mom does. I know I mentioned this jobhunt thing. The lady for nannying is making her final decision at the end of this week. It sounds great, but it's not a lot of money, and it's a lot of work....a 4 month old for 3 days. That's a whole extra kid, and not an easy run around kid, it's a baby, who takes every waking second of your energy....along with my daughter who I feel still needs attention all the time, and my son who is a complete momma's boy and is attached to me and cries for me, and the two of them fight over me when they're upset...or when the other one is upset. I try to explain they can each have a leg or arm, but that's too close to the other one when they're not happy with eachother. Anyway, it's going to be a zoo if this happens. And another carseat in the car? I know I have a minivan...but what am I going to do with the infant seat? UGH. I also have an interview tomorrow- it's a Marketing Manager/Customer Service Manager position for a company in Kent. They gave a salary range....the bottom is too low and the high is good enough. If I did get it then we'd have to see about where that range falls exactly. Then my friend who works in Tacoma texted me and said her CEO (who lucky for me, knows and loves my mom) stopped in her office and said he is going to have their HR lady call me because they should find something for me. How sweet is that? So, I have been praying every night for a direction in the right path. I would love to continue to stay home with my kids, but I sometimes feel they could do better at the learning daycare....and then I think I'm their mom, any time with me is better right? Oh hell if I know. I know I love them and I think sometimes I'd die if I wasn't with them. I seriously miss them after being away for an hour....all day? It just scares me. I need a bolt of lightening answer. But I do think the little bit of money I would get for watching this cute little baby girl is enough for me and C to pay some bills, and go out to eat if we want to and still be home with my babies. And then there's the other side of me that thinks they may benefit from this learning place I looked into and they're old enough now to go...but then again...TC isn't. He's so little still. I just don't know. I guess we'll see where life takes me.

life right now

So, my life. Since Christmas, I've been trying to get back into a normal life. It felt good to be done with the holidays, but stress crept in. After the New Year and whatnot, we've started to get into the groove of a bigger house payment and all the things life brings. I had decided it was time I start nannying again or looking for a job. I have spent endless days sending out resumes and reposting on Craigslist my ad to be a nanny again. I had a couple emails about that, no job replies at all, and considering there are probably 500 resumes sent in to my one, I was not surprised. Anyway, life continues and we have been being thrifty or frugal or whatever, it is actually kind of empowering, but not so much fun :) It's not like I used to spend whatever whenever, but I didn't have to worry about it. I could have saved more, but if I wanted something for the kids or wanted Starbucks whenever, I got it. Now, I'm thinking before I buy, not buying, not spending. So, it's good, but like I said, not fun. We had friends over on Saturday and she just got a job after looking for 11 months! 11 months?? I had heard from a lady about nannying her 4 month old 3 days a week. PERFECT. Then I didn't hear back from her. This morning I heard from her again and she and her husband want to meet. I am very excited, oh and nannying would be at my house this time-makes life much easier, especially when I have two! It would be kind of more like daycare, but with only one kid....and my own of course. AM loves the idea of having a baby here, she says she wants to help. And TC is obsessed with babies right now, so I think he'll get used to it after the inital shock of jealousy...he's kind of a momma's boy :) So, I'm going to hope this works out because it's part time, I can keep my kids with me, and I get a baby fix without actually having one. HAHA.
What else is new....we are looking forward to summer. AM wants to wear sundresses. I want to take the kids to the park more and have them play in the back yard with all their summer/outdoor toys. And we have a couple weekend trips planned- our annual weekend at the lake with C's fam. And a new one- we're going to these great condos in Westport with C's brother, wife and their kids. They're going for 4 nights, us only for 2. But they are super nice places, on the ocean, with a playground, pool, hot tub, and basketball court all in the middle. I think it will be a great weekend. And now that the kids are older, C wants to start taking them camping. I grew up camping with my family all the time and I really would love for our kids to do that...it was so fun and holds so many of my childhood memories.
AM is over half way through preschool, which she loves. I am going to an open house for a new one though, it's closer to our house and there are some changes happening at her current one for next year. I'm thinking this other one may be better. It's at another church, but for one, we really like the pastor there and the preschool seems a little more academic based. We actually are attending this parenting seminar there right now. It's 3 weeks long- and only every Friday. We've finished two of the classes and only have one left. It's very interesting and helpful. It's kind of like a reminder to common sense. How to be better parents, which is what I wish for every day, so I like it. And as much as C complains every Friday before we go, he ends up enjoying it too. So, I like the church and I've seen the preschool (only during this seminar childcare) but I am excited to go to the open house and meet the teachers. Hopefully it works out and she can get in.
My 32nd birthday is coming up....wow, that sounds old. I swear I'm still 25. At least it's going up...a couple years ago I thought I was still 22. 32 does sound old to me though, very. My mom is going to take the kids on the night of the 13th so C and I can have a night off and maybe enjoy a dinner out...which is something we haven't done since our Christmas present night in Bellevue (which was fun, but not normal). We haven't just had a date night in Bonney Lake...ever. So we're looking forward to that.
The past two nights (or mornings) I've been up at 2:45. Yesterday not going back to sleep at all. And today, I did get to go back to sleep from 5:30-7am. Not fun. I am VERY tired. We are all stuffed up and TC does not sleep good when this happens. Needless to say, I am going to make myself another cup of coffee soon.
I have been exercising again which is very good. I don't think I'm really losing much weight, maybe a couple pounds. But I feel better about myself and feel like I'm at least getting a little in better health/shape. I heard recently that it's not necessarily how much you weigh but that you are at least getting exercise every day that makes you healthy. So, that has actually made me continue to be motivated. I wanted it to be like before when I didn't feel normal unless I exercized. And it's getting to that point, I do it every day. Except on the weekends, I usually take one or two days off. But going from no working out or working out sporadically month to month- to working out 5 days a week is good for me.
I am still loving living in Bonney Lake- I have enjoyed this place and I'm looking forward to doing things this summer- like going to things they have, parades or Bonney Lake Days or whatever they have here. I like stuff like that.
We had our first dinner at our friends that live here also during January, it was lots of fun. Since the holidays are over, we decided once a month we'll do it. So, we have Feb planned. It's great having friends you can have fun with that are so close- and their kids are so close in age to ours, it was a good time. Which also confirms the choice that we are done having kids :) I mean, I always had this 'what if I wanted more' feeling, but I truly feel like our family is complete. I don't have that itch or anything. I'm excited at where we are and I love watching them grow and learn. I look forward to all the years we get to watch them and their milestones.
AM is going to start swimming again- gotta get her ready for summer. Starting Saturdays at the end of Feb. She is our little fish.
Okay, I think I've blogged enough for my once a month check in :) I'll try and get on here more, but we'll see!